One of the most common problems parents deal with is a whinging child. By this I mean children who ask for something and ask again and then somewhere along the line it becomes a child clinging to your leg whinging in that tone!
Why do they whine? Quite simply because in some way it works for them and usually this means that they get or eventually get what they want. Better known as pester power!
Why do we give them what they want? Either we want them to stop usually because we are embarrassed, can’t stand the noise, had a bad day ourselves or we feel guilty about denying them.
Most parents I talk to know what they should be doing, but don’t do it – I believe that parents don’t understand how crucial what they do is.
Kids brains work the following way. Children don’t have good and bad behaviour they have behaviours that work or are worthwhile. It is parents that label behaviour good or bad. We think my child has 10 good and 2 bad behaviours – all they have is a dozen behaviours that work for them.
Now for the really tricky part, is whinging what you want? Think whinging 1 year old, 5 year old, and 10 year old, how many years do you really want to deal with this for? If you want to stop the whinging, then stop it working – stop giving them what they want. Even stop discussing it, just having a long-winded explanation of why they can’t have it is worthwhile to your child, because hey, you are talking, looking at them, and this is better than being ignored. Become a master of how you react to them. Remember, every time you give in and give your child what they want, you are telling your child’s brain ‘that whinging worked, you should use it again next time you want something’.
Try the following tip:
- If it’s not said in the right tone then they won’t even consider it!!