QUT - Courier Mail | 15th April 2015
LIFE AS a new mum can be so stressful some turn off social media to avoid guilt and comparisons to celebrity super mums.
The self-imposed bans have been exposed in new research that shows many mums spend the first year of their baby’s life “beating themselves up”.
Queensland University of Technology is studying how being kinder to themselves can help new mums deal with the stress of the first year of their baby’s life.
QUT Psychology researcher Nicole Flanagan said the mothers had reported self-imposed bans on Facebook and Google to stop the inundation of “mostly useless” information about motherhood and comparisons with “super mums” and even celebrities.
“That sets people up for worrying about their parenting strategy and whether it’s good enough. It bleeds into everything – dieting, toileting, attaching parenting, it’s on every single level. The stage is set for instant comparison and we know that when we start doing that we rarely come out thinking we’re doing a good job.”
While new mum Lauren Jimenez, 29, hasn’t quit social media, she admits to being tough on herself and has joined a mothers group for support adjusting to life with Lola, five months.
“(The first year) is definitely harder than I thought it would be but by the same token I’ve really enjoyed motherhood and probably a bit more than I thought I would,” she said.
“There is pressure to look good and I want to get back into my fitness…I’m hard on myself. My house has to be spotless 24/7.”
Carolyn Holland, 33, with nine-month-old Lucy, and Lauren Jimenez, 29, with five-month-old Lola, try not to compare themselves with other mothers.
Early results from the QUT sessions have shown the “magnitude of emotion” new mums have.
“The sense of comparison (to other mums) and the guilt are the big things so far to come out,” Ms Flanagan said.
Information from these sessions will be used to inform further research into depression and anxiety during early motherhood.
“Australian women especially are loath to take drugs for mood concerns, especially when they’re mothers because of the risks of breast milk transition, despite a lot of evidence that it is safe for women,” Ms Flanagan. “They’re much more likely to talk to a friend than a health professional.”
Ms Flanagan said up to 18 per cent of new mothers develop depression and up to 40 per cent develop anxiety.
“Australians think it’s natural, that a period of baby blues is normal. And it’s certainly common but the fact Australians think it is normal and to be expected can be tough for women and very isolating,” she said.
“We need to recognise that we do lose the capacity to self-soothe as adults and to understand you’re going through a challenge and you will get through it.”
First-time mum Carolyn Holland, 33, said she tries not to compare how she’s going with nine-month-old Lucy against other mothers.
“It’s my first time round and it’s hard to compare because what works for one mum won’t work for another, and what works for (Lucy) today might not work tomorrow.”
